


i got so fucking romantic (i apologize)

by orphan_account



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Idiots in Love, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining, anyways title from cute thing by car seat headrest, cherry stop titling your fics as car seat headrest lyrics challenge, it's almost Valentine's Day i was basically obligated to write this, this is some gooey romantic bullshit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-23 16:20:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17686859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Alex can't be sure when it started, but he just knows at some point or another James grew to be more to him than just another one of his mates.





	i got so fucking romantic (i apologize)

"So," James says, sitting down next to Alex on the couch. "What're we doing this Valentine's Day?" Alex's heart jumps into his throat and his eyes snap up from his laptop to look at James. He's joking or something, no way James is asking him out.

"Why would we be doing anything?" He asks nervously.

"Well Will and George have dates, so that leaves the two of us, doesn't it?" James says. 

"I guess," Alex says. "Don't really see why we've got to do anything. I was just gonna stay in." 

"I thought we could go out," James suggests. "Like to a club or something. Would you want to?" Alex shrugs. The idea of going alone to a club with James, on Valentine's Day of all days is less than appealing. He knows that being treated like a stand in for a real date will only make him miserable. 

"Maybe," he says. 

"C'mon," James prods. "I promise it'll be fun. You can't tell me that you'd really rather mope around your apartment than come out with me?" 

"Alright," Alex concedes with a sigh. "Fine, James." James grins and against Alex's wishes his heart swells.

... 

"Nice outfit," James comments when he comes over. Alex is dressed in a very average outfit of sweatpants and a hoodie. 

"I just want to get drunk," Alex says. "I'm not trying to impress anyone." 

"Just thought you'd put in a little more effort for our first date," James teases. "But it's okay, you look great in everything." Alex feels this terrible chasm split open inside him. 

"Thanks," he says flatly. "Can we go already?" Alex knows he's being bitchy and obnoxious, but can't quite bring himself to just shut up and act like a normal person. 

The club is loud and lit in neon colors like clubs tend to be, they find a booth towards the back and James goes to get them drinks. Alex glances around the room, even with so much happening around him he feels listless and empty. He realizes the James thing is really getting out of hand if it can make him feel this bad. 

Alex can't be sure when it started, but he just knows at some point or another James grew to be more to him than just another one of his mates. And it's only gotten worse, this feeling growing inside him, getting harder to ignore. A fluttering in his chest when James's smiles at him, an increase in his heart rate when they touch. 

"Hey," James says, sliding in next to him and handing him his drink. 

"Thanks," Alex says, taking a sip. 

"Is something wrong, Al?" James asks. "You seem out of it." 

"I'm fine," Alex assures him. "Tired or something." James stares at him a moment too long before shrugging and taking a drink. 

As the night goes on and Alex gets drunker, things get easier. James quietly makes fun of all the couples in the club and makes Alex laugh so hard he feels dizzy. Somehow, James keeps inching closer to him until they're pressed side to side and James has got an arm slung over Alex's shoulder. 

It's easy to forget that he's only there as a back up plan. If he tries he can pretend that he's really who James wants to spend tonight with. He's drunk enough that he lets himself indulge in the delusion, lets himself melt into James side and rest his head on his shoulder. 

At some point things take a turn and the conversation tapers off, if Alex didn't know better he'd say James' seemed sullen. 

"Is there someone you wish you were with tonight, Alex?" James murmurs. Alex gets very still, stops breathing for a split second and then swallows hard. He doesn't like where this is going at all. 

"Um. Well-kind of?" He spits out eloquently. He immediately feels a hot wave of panic rush through him. He should've just said no, that would've been the smart thing to do, wouldn't have really allowed for any questions or speculation on James's part. And then, of course, in his panicked, drunken state he does something that will only make it worse. "Is there someone you wish you were wish?" James shrugs, he's staring into his drink so Alex can't see his eyes. 

"Yeah," he admits. Alex can't hear his own heartbeat, feel every atom in his body buzzing, feel himself on the verge of breaking out into a sweat. 

"Who?" He asks, tense and breathless. James looks at him for a moment that feels as if it lasts forever, then he looks away and shakes his head. 

"'S no one really," he says quietly. "It's just... it's someone who's never going to feel the same way about me." 

"Oh," Alex says, small and dejected. "Well, I know how that is. I'm kind of in that situation myself, I suppose." James snorts humorlessly, the corner of his mouth tugging upwards in a grim flash of a smile. 

"It's hard isn't it?" He asks. Alex closes his eyes and nods. He feels a headache coming on all of a sudden, the beginning of a dull pain sprouting inside his skull. 

"Sometimes..." Alex begins, because this conversation is happening now, and Alex is as powerless to stop it as a man is to stop an oncoming train. "Sometimes they feel so close and still so untouchable, like I'm with them but not in any real kind of way." 

"Yeah," James nods slowly. "I... I know exactly what you mean." Alex can feel a certain heavy ache in his throat, a sting in his eyes. He puts his head down on the table. He doesn't sob or anything so showy or dramatic, but he can't stop a few quiet tears from sliding down his face. 

"Oh," James says, soft and concerned. "Oh, hey. Alex," he coos. "You're alright. Don't cry." Alex sniffs and wipes his face on his sleeve. 

"I'm sorry," Alex says. 

"It's fine," James assures him. "I'm sorry this has been kind of a shitty night. We should've just gotten drunk at your place, huh?" 

"Yeah, then I could've just cried without having to worry about embarrassing myself," Alex laughs. They're still close enough that their shoulders are together and Alex can feels how solid and warm James is. Something swoops in his chest. He leans into James. He wants to get as close to him as he possibly can, wants to ask James to hold him so tight all his bones snap and his skin bruises, he wants to get on his knees and beg James to fuck him in a bathroom stall, right here in the club. 

Alex doesn't do any of that, just settles for the press of their shoulders against each other. 

"Should we get out of here?" James says. Alex nods and they make their way through the crowd and outside. It's windy and bitingly cold.

"I hope I made a good stand in," James says. "For whoever you really wanted to be with tonight." Alex stares at him for a moment, his head completely empty for one beautiful moment before a symphony of ugly, screech crashing noise starts. He grabs the front of James' coat and pulls him almost too forcefully into a kiss, because at this point the only other thing he could possibly do would be to cry again. 

For all the urgent force the kiss began with it ends up being a slow kiss, a fumbling kiss. It takes a minute for either of them to find any sort of rhythm. Their noses bump and their teeth click. It all feels very cautious. Alex isn't thinking, not on the same level that he usually is but somewhere in the back of his head he realizes that James hasn't pulled away yet and that must mean something.

It ends up being Alex who breaks away after a minute. They stare at each other. 

"I'm sorry," Alex says.

"Fuck," James says, wide eyed. His cheeks are rosy from the cold and Alex just wants to kiss him again, a real kiss this time. 

"I'm sorry," he repeats. 

"No, shit. Don't be sorry I–" 

"You were who I was talking about." Alex says. "The person who I want to be with. And I know you don't feel the same and that there's someone else... I get that this is probably going to make things uncomfortable between us, but now you know." 

"Oh." James says quietly there's a long pause during which Alex doesn't take a breath. "Well, I guess it'd probably be good to tell you that I was talking about you." The words sit there in the cold night air between them for a minute before Alex's brain can sort through them, understand what they mean. It feels like suddenly getting shoved into an entirely different reality. What Alex thought was the truth had been turned on his head. After being frozen for a minute, his body kicks alive like a generator and suddenly he feels everything all at once. 

"Oh," he says, and then slowly and cautiously he breaks into a grin. James' face mirrors his and then they're laughing, and then all of a sudden they're kissing, Alex's hands curling in James' shirt, James pulling Alex close against him. Alex feels like he might collapse, he's grateful for James' arms holding him so firmly. When they pull apart Alex doesn't step back and James doesn't let go of him, they stand there sharing breath for a minute in silence.

"We're stupid," James murmurs. 

"Hm?" Alex says. 

"We both spent the whole night miserable and pining over each other," he says. "It would've been so easy just to talk about it." 

"Well we got there eventually, didn't we?" Alex murmurs. 

"Thank god," James laughs. Alex just kisses him again.

**Author's Note:**

> hi i feel kind of bad not posting three days in a row for some reason. it's not like i have a schedule but whatever 
> 
> hope u enjoyed. kudos and comments are always appreciated


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